Tape rollers and swiffers

I’m obsessed with tape rollers…and swiffers. This one got me thinking–

We walk around covered in the
world’s filth and don’t even know it.
We inherit
generations of ancestral addiction and trauma
and think
it’s our personal
failing. The words of hatred, denial, self-preservation
greed, and gossip swirl into the air
in search of a landing place….you, your ready mind.

We think our nasty little thoughts cursing those who’ve hurt us. We experience road rage. And of course millions take out their unprocessed anger and grief on their innocent animals and children eah day. We don’t understand energy and it’s mission.

And so we by the millions, sit in shame and don’t know what’s wrong with us. Mental health, chronic pain, suicide all on the rise and we are at a loss for how to move, how to deal with our pain.

Most people inside a bubble of aloneness, disconnected from community– a real place to regularly be seen and heard, to be challenged!

And so if we do not shake the dust off LITERALLY, we will live from our unconscious dirty little self. Our sin will devour us.

Our blame game will pre-occupy our minds and we will wonder why despair is causing us to self-destruct.

Watch your thoughts they become beliefs which become actions…if we do not find a daily practice of discovering the New Earth, we will live by the world’s domination system and call it normal. We will be slaves to a system of division and consumption, disconnection and personal agenda.

The Truth shall set us free– we are ONE humanity united under the unseen Father mystery, the manifest Mother who’s beauty abounds, who’s creative force compels us to choose better.

Choose life, choose to find your clean heart, your mind of Christ.

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Burden

You are not a burden

not your morning stiffness

nor your chronic ache

You cannot make me despise you any longer

skip the gym

forget the yoga

eat the cake

You cannot go your own way now

…..because

You are not a burden

I’ve claimed you as my own

no matter your intensity

nor your tendency

to bemoan

just breathe my friend

can you see

we are

not at odds

invite in some more breath

it’s the essence

of the gods

I know

I have not acted

like much of a friend to you

to one with so much need

so much pain

here’s your due

breathe in ease

breathe out dis-ease

Is it really so simple?

I have no answers

if you please

Only attention

And care

simply aware

of the many ways I tried to shame

and blame

when you were always there

carrying the entirety of life’s burdens

but to me?

one born of ignorance

one born of fear

You are not a burden

You are ever so dear

You

are my very same self in form

that I did not recognize

your substance as

so very

very good

said the

mind to the body

Ode to Jesus and Mary…Oliver

 

what a mess they used to make

a hostile takeover 

before

He sturdied me

studied me

made His body my  Sovereign guard

unexpected visitors

stormed the territory

armed

dangerous

i had no choice

(((helpless victim that I was)))

but to let them

have their

way with me

leaving me 

for dead

what bloody violence

before Her tender

breath of compassion

kingdom serenity

feelings once fueled by 

guerrilla forces

what binding blinding confusion

before His Revolutionary Logic

jumbled thoughts 

inexorable feelings 

sent to sabotage

and so

i prayed to jesus

and

to mary…. oliver

each seemed to know

exactly

what i needed from

them

Holy Water Tears

stretched wide across the chest

I send a deep breath beyond what’s pulled taut

into my low belly

where the ache lives (haunts)

much later, in stillness

the pictures flash across my mind

you and me

twinning

sisters, they’d say

whenever love’s torn in 2

the breach is gonna sear

So

I hand Her what feels burnt to a crisp

commanding SHE bring me closer to HER inferno

yes closer…I will not run

Just Dont allow my tears to put out

Love’s fire

Keep me blazing

with you

Burn down my resistance

to more LIGHT

Just a couch, just a carpet

I don’t want to sit up straight to type and think from my elongated spine, aligning my head, heart and guts. I don’t want to shift from this slouch, merging with my new dark gray sectional in my recently renovated family room, where the only family left here most of the year is my husband of 25 years. But I need to tell you about this bubbling up of truth around my being a Christ-follower. I see HIS signature mercy, grace, presence, heart-welling up everywhere and that makes me a Sufi. I don’t like labels. I do like the word eschew..but how is that pronounced anyway? I wont’ pause the quick-fingered tapping at these keys to find out though.

And yet, I know I eschew labels…restrictions on my Self or my self. I am integrating so many parts of my Self/self lately that I am in a state of allowing. Allowing this couch to swallow me up into her puffy enveloping softness. All the selves, right here, right now…melting together. This is exactly what my self needs today. I am listening as she sighs, ‘yes’ to the no effort.

So here we are…can you see us, this 5 foot 5 inch breathing thing? You can’t really differentiate the parts because they’re smooshing down and together. Getting lost in and among themselves. All except those fingers, tap tap tapping away. Inhale….Exhale.

Earlier I was a few feet away from this spot on the new area rug, all swirly with oceanic colors and flowing designs. I needed her to hold me. The ocean. The womb. The color blue.
I was falling apart and I knew she’d let me.

She wouldn’t ask me to pull myself together. She wouldn’t command me to stop my incessant crying. She’d absorb the tears into herself…making more of her, less of me. More of her…less of me. Like a mantra now. I am one with you- carpet as ocean. Ocean as womb.

I am no longer Anita the one who can’t stop the flow of pain, the flow of tears, the flow of remembering. I am in the ocean of pain, the sea of tears, the womb of comfort.

You breathed on me too

You must have thought you had a gift to give

Why else would you lean in this way, breathing heavily on my body

Did you have an inkling about the way your passing on your shame to me would empower me

Did you internalize the message of the cross

Were you really that generous deep down in your core

Did you pray while your hands moved over my structure that in the ‘giving’ I’d be receiving fuel for transforming myself from a lowly caterpillar into a striking, colorful butterfly

Did you know this new creation would spread the word

that you cannot break us

You cannot bury us with your pressure to keep still

keep quiet

We are seedlings

We know how to patiently burrow down into the dark dank damp earthy womb of us

We know how to LISTEN inside for the stirrings of movement

We know how to stretch beyond our human form

We know the resurrection is for us

this day

and every day

We, the women, of the CROSS

have leapt down to

spread the Good News

our bodies smiling

our hearts beating

out—- F O R G I V E—- them

they know not…

 

Yoga for your lonely body

http://its5oclocksomewhere.libsyn.com/rss

 

Our bodies have brought us this far in life. Containers for our unexpressed emotions and moving forward despite injury and illness, our bodies have faithfully experienced our lives through tastes, sights, sounds and smells. And yet, most of us barely give our hands and feet a passing thought, let alone our internal organs keeping us alive. The gateway to wholeness of mind and spirit is through the physical stardust of us.  Bringing the light of awareness into our tension, our achiness, or simply where it feels like there is no space for breath, will serve us well on this path of exploring the very ground of our being.

 

I hope you’ll take a listen and stretch and contemplate what it is your body has to say to you today about doing the next right thing.  Namaste!