fraught with peace

fraught with peace


watershed tears
no reason
and every
reason


clarity and confusion
share gray matter space
knitted together
the fibers marry



body sways and rocks
through cerulean gloom


yet
hope danced
and twirled
like a ballerina on tiptoe
above the rising pain
arms raised
releasing  the world’s anguish
one angry fist
one praise hand at a time


the heart speaks:
patience


slowly,
imperceptibly at first


resplendent light
lifts the dense
fog of mourn

immobility and helplessness
spiral into backbone
erect and courageous
peace
metamorphosized  
like a monarch being beckoned
to life’s garden
boldly, colorfully demonstrating

IT as all Bliss[f]

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The mat and the snot-stained shirt

It’s a beautiful September morn, cool and sunny.  I awake extra early filled with an unexplained anxiousness.  This week has been filled with meaning, purpose, friendship, family, work and practice.

As a little bit of background:
Science shows us that everything is made up of energy and exchanges that with everything else at all times in a most complex way. It is the building block of all matter. The same energy that composes your flesh is the same one that composes the bricks of your house and the trees outside. It is all the same. It is constantly at flow, changing form all the time. This is a very simple explanation of a rather complex thing.”
In his book, The Divine Matrix, Gregg Braden starts off one of his chapter saying:
There is a place where all things begin, a location of pure energy that simply “is”.

Last evening was different; in our heart2heart sharing with a new group,
I sat next to a very depressed young man.  After a little encouragement, he openly shared his underlying hope that was just a glimmer beneath the heavy darkness he lived in. He held the oppressiveness of the world inside his heart and it showed like a gloomy mask over his young face.  I listened with empathy as he and the others talked about life’s challenges.  I was in the position of table leader and therefore, did not share.

The purpose of the gathering was to practice the language of the heart, starting with non-violence toward your own self. We connected with breath and got centered; acknowledging both the inner wisdom  and the attempts of the mind to instill fear, smallness, non-enoughness etc.  It was an open, honest dialogue and I left feeling blessed.

But energy, both light and dark, is real and in search of a home.  I had absorbed some of this young man’s depressed state and now if felt like my own. So I took to my mat and allowed the feelings to arise:

I feel like a failure

A bad friend

A  judge in search of my own agenda

Jealousy

Disappointment in not being heard

Underneath all this mess, I knew there was a center I needed to return home to.

One that would provide  peace and space. 

Out in the park I used the only item I had to blow my nose and dry my tears-  a light-weight sweatshirt.  The outpouring went on for quite awhile as the awareness continued as to how life works and how healing takes place starting in the physical body.

I had practiced with an excellent teacher on Wednesday who opened our hips and psoas consistently for the hour of yoga.  We focused on our center and the concept of sattva as compared to the other two extreme Gunas: rajas and tamas.  When rajas is dominating there is selfishness and greed  and with an excess of tamas one is reckless, inactive or delusional.  All we humans are working these out and returning to our true nature.

But the road to get there looks like a stop on the mat and resembles a crumbled mess of a woman surrendering all her ugliness and faults to the earth.

I am grateful that my heart continued to speak clearly –“you are a human and all of these faults and fears are normal.  They are not to be judged, they are to be surrendered.  THIS  is how you find liberation, ease and comfort in feeling more like yourself, your truest self.

I humbly moved with breath, opening heart, hips, hamstrings and shoulders;  continuing to trust that the physical body’s release would serve the Highest good in healing me and allowing me to show up more whole and connected to my TRUTH as a teacher of these tools.

Why am I grateful to have ‘caught’ this dark energy?

I have found more compassion for those who suffer regularly from this condition, especially the women I teach at the FDC who are away from their families for extended periods of time.  They suffer depression in large numbers in a very negative environment where it is nearly impossible to see or ‘catch’ the light.  I am grateful for any opportunity to be in humble warrior, face planted in supplication, tears releasing fear and lies and rigidity.

May we all  confidently step out of the shadows and into the L I G H T, finding liberation and          

P E A C E.

Nowhere to land

When we are connected to Self we can say that we are one with our experience.  Whether that experience is pleasurable or painful makes no matter.   We can breathe and allow the inner fiery light merge with the grief or shame or sadness and stay with it until it dissipates or transforms.  This past weekend, the term “holding space” reminds me of what I’ve experienced during my healing meditations.  I was learning how to hold space for my experience.

I find  that what I am left with feels like freedom.  I think that the mystics teachings on emptiness means that there is nowhere for the emotion to land.  The energy passes through and we are left impregnated with full potential in the moment.  In other words– ALIVE.

Yoga physical asana creates space in the body and mind which allows prana to keep flowing and thus the lower vibrational energy has nowhere to land.